The Hangover and The Unnecessary Lie

The Day After Your Wedding…


I wake up in a strange motel room, on the couch. Look around. Two beds. Some dude is sleeping in one. What the…

Tyler. Jesus. Where’s his wife? Almost pass out again…

I’m on the couch. Remember the bed. Ya. Crawl over and climb in. It’s a big, flat rock. Fuck. The couch is too far away now. How did I get here? Begin to fall back into sleep…

Tyler wakes up.

9:30am. We gotta check out. Tyler’s laughing at me because I can’t remember how I got there. Fuck. 9:30am. At least my pants were still on. Ok. Even my tie. Change into jeans and a t-shirt (with Jesus rocking out on guitar, Moses, or someone on bass, Buddha on keys, and that big fucking Elephant with multiple arms on drums).

I ask Tyler how much the room was, offer half. Tells me to buy him breakfast instead.

Ok. Breakfast sounds some kind of fabulous. Tyler tells me to meet him at the bed & breakfast Paul is staying at.

I’m off to the beach, stumbling to my car in the bright, early sun. I get there, find the public bathrooms, splash my face in cold water and stumble back to my car. Hello car, immediately see your wedding gift on the seat. Shit. Breakfast first. Off to Paul’s motel place.

So… it’s been about 20 minutes, sitting in front of this old country home on main street. No Tyler. I’m blasting Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Baby 81. There’s a cop car on the other side of the street. I’m smoking a joint to ease my nauseous gut, staring at that car. An older couple approach, the man in a wheelchair. My car is blasting this wicked tune, and the couple gets close, right across from me, sharing smiles, and this chorus loud in the quiet street, “You’re a 666 conducer. How do you do the things you do, sir”, repeating over and over, very loud in the quiet main street…the old man in the chair has a priest collar. Seriously. This is happening.

Awkward pause. Hide the joint.

Suddenly realize that I’m really high. New weed. Maybe should have rolled it smaller. Was that really a priest collar? Was he even in a chair? Yes. Yes he was. Fuck. That cop car is making me nervous. Jesus. I am so high….

…and right in front of me Luke appears, calm and friendly coming out of a bed & breakfast right beside the one Paul is in…sweet relief!!! Sunlight and a calm brother. Thank you. Quick chit chat and a friendly man hug, “get in here”, ahhhh, Luke. So good to see you all. Off to his steaming, delicious breakfast waiting at the table.

Where is Tyler…

Back to my car. Fuck, I’m high. The music is so loud. That cop car. Shit. I gotta turn it down. Get in. Sit around, windows down. It’s been an hour. Fuck. Drive to the motel. No Tyler. Didn’t expect it. Bastard. Honesty was too tough to manage, I guess. To the water, take some pictures, calm my mind through a foggy lens…breakfast…

Breakfast – and a beautiful day for a drive.


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