Sad Fucking Song

My heart is broken
Final token of humanity
Lost
To the vale of tears

I am nothing now
An empty vessel of fading years

The sands run deep into the bones
The sadness forms a stone
A heavy tome to carry all the volumes
Collected and stored forever deep
And now I am a tomb

In life
Without love
I am bitter
Scathed with hatred
Jaded and baited
And angry and waiting
For more

It never ends
It sinks in deep
And never ends
It burns you deep
And never lends a hand

Is this the natural state
Without love?
Is this the way
We are?

I am hatred and violence
You are the silence
The fire that keeps it alive

You will never die
In my mind

You are always crying
Trying again and again
Always lying
With my ego in your hand
Always falling
Always taking off your pants…

Here we go again
And again and again and again…

Love buried by pain
Joy smothered and obscured by stains
Drained from me
Effortlessly and so quietly

Without notice
Without warning
When I wake in the morning
I am a shell, a dread, hesitant to see
To open up and be
Alive

“I’d rather die”
She whispers
somewhere deep inside my mind

Somewhere lost inside my eyes
Is life

How far down the hole can I go?
Why do I even want to know?
What have I lost

Love, hope, joy, passion, faith…you

Hope is a dangerous, deadly pill
They say
A poison to kill
An enemy of will

I took 3 with some wine
And now I feel fine
Tomorrow reality will unwind
Before me
Leaving me further down the hole…

I will fall
And when you call
I’ll be gone

That’s ok
I was tricked by hope anyway
While I was buried in dope
Waiting for you to change
Deranged
Thinking I knew the way
For you
…forgot about me…
Oops

Well, now I see
And look at me
Lost and basking, sadness laughing in oblivion

Is it too late to be saved for me…

Never!
They say
Never!
They scream

But…really?

Once the bullet leaves the gun
How do you stop it from having its fun

I wish there was a way
(Kevlar mutherfucker)
I wish it all away
(Kevlar mutherfucker)
I wish I had something that
I really wanted to say to you
But I don’t

Sometimes I feel sick when I eat
Don’t know why
Sometimes I feel sick when I sleep

I always use the same words

My heart is broken
My final token to you

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3 comments

    1. Thank you. That’s an amazing compliment. Especially for a piece so tormented and personal. I wrote it a while ago, stewing in a bad place looking for a spark to ignite those dangerous inner bombs we hold onto for too long. It all just spilled out, like poison from a bad wound. I was a little hesitant to share it at first. I usually like to add something lighter into my darker pieces, some sliver of goodness as a reminder that these shadows aren’t a religion to follow, to believe in and dwell on. Just didn’t fit in this one, though. It needed to be painful and hopeless. Broken. Thanks for reading and for the lovely compliments. Much appreciated. 🙂

      -JT

      Like

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